Christmas Light Police

Its that time of year again. The stores are crowded, the trees are put up, the wrapping paper and tape will lay around the floor for weeks, and the lights go up on the houses. ITS CHRISTMAS SEASON. Just a side note, Christmas is not about the previously mentioned, its much more. But the point of this post is about Christmas Lights.

A few people in my life know that I am a Closet Christmas Light Police Woman (CCLPW). My role during this season is to critique people's lights on their house (and sometimes their Christmas Tree).

Let me give you a few pointers on Christmas Light placement.

1. Create a straight line with the lights if you are putting them on anything other than bushes or trees.
2. If you are putting lights on bushes and trees, put enough on to fill the bush or tree.
3. Make sure lights around the trunk of your tree are evenly spaced.
4. Don't use the blanket lights on bushes. Most people don't use them the right way and they can make you look like a lazy light placer . If you do use them and in the right way, kudos to you.
5. You can never go wrong with white lights outside. Its classic and safe.
6. If you are going to use colored lights, do so in a manor that will not cause someone to have an epileptic seizure.
7. Use plastic figurines sparingly, if you must use them at all.
8. Make use of extension cords. Do not allow strings of lights to go from one bush to another (if the bushes are far apart) Nothing looks worse than a long line of lights hanging between each bush/tree.
9. Icicle lights should only be used on soffit/fascia (not railings or around fences). Again, make sure the lines are straight and pulled tight.
10. If you are going to avoid all the tips above, then go BIG. Make your house obnoxious. Be the people on the street that everyone is talking about.

Since Marc and I have lived in Leesburg, we have put up white lights outside. When we use color lights, we keep them contained to either the trees or the bushes. Over the years, more and more people are putting up lights. This year, it seems that everyone is doing it. And everyone has WHITE lights up. So this year, I decided to go against every one of my rules. I decided to go for rule number 10.

Note: I say "I" because Marc would be cool with not putting up lights. When I was young, I would be the only one brave enough to help my dad put up lights. If you knew me when I was young, you would know we were the real life Griswolds. You could see our house from miles away. It was not an easy process putting the lights up. The light tangler-monster made his appearance every year (regardless how nicely we put them away after Christmas). This made for an exciting time. My dad would cut lights up with scissors, swear at the lights, throw the lights, etc. (kinda like Marc on the golf course from what I hear--ha ha ha). I would always laugh at my dad as I watched him struggle. But now that I am putting up lights (with Marc), I see how he got so frustrated. Its funny and frustrating, but totally worth it.

For the folks that know my light critiquing self, you know this is crazy (using multi-colored lights). Call me a rebel without a Clause (thanks Jane). I will tell you this--I am afraid for my life and I think Marc is too.

It will be a Christmas Miracle if we do not get "egg-ed" this year.

Side note for Michelle: We have 1,200 multi-colored lights up (not included the green and white lights). I am scared and nervous! WHAT--multi-colored lights?????